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That girl

That tiny girl. The one with pigtails and brown eyeglass frames. She would get laughed at because one side of her glasses were always higher than the other. She was always so naive, so inexplicably slow-witted, and would sometimes get bullied due to her short stature.

Back in kindergarten, she used to mix with a group of boys. Everyday during their breaks, they would gather in a small circle sharing things with each other. One of her fond memories, one that she could never forget due to its weird yet innocent...behaviour, was also within that group of friends. When they gathered in their little circle, one of the boys brought up the topic on making sounds with your armpits, otherwise known as armpit farts. She started learning from them too, they taught her how to do it, how to "train" that skill, and how to make it easier to do...using soap. She would do it in the bathroom everyday, and her parents often wondered how she learnt that little habit. To her parents, they thought it was just plain weird. But she thought it was gold.

After a year or so, the group split up for some stupid childish reason. The girl felt lonely, so she befriended another girl in the same class as her. They would gossip and joke with each other, and that didn't make her feel as lonely without her group of friends.

She wasn't doing very well in class though, she couldn't pay attention. Her mind would always wander around aimlessly, and it was always really obvious to the teacher, thus getting her in trouble. The only subject she seemed to ace was English.

She met another friend, his name starting with the tenth letter of the alphabet. They were the best of buddies. They would have classes together and tell silly jokes. They even took swimming classes together. There was even a photo of them facing the camera and smiling, holding hands behind a swimming pool. She really, really, really, liked him.

A few months before graduation day arrived, the class had to prepare a dance to perform in front of their parents and teachers as part of a kindergarten graduation party. Due to the girl's inability to pay attention, she always got a scolding from one of her teachers teaching her to dance. She hated that teacher. She still had to painfully  practise that dance every single day in class. Fortunately, she got it right just before the important day arrived.

The graduating class also had to practise how they would walk down the spiral steps into the graduation hall to meet the teachers and parents.
"Don't run down the steps!"
"I want it to be neat! I don't want a big gap between you two!"
 The teachers were always so strict about presentation, and they would have to practise it over, and over, and over again.

On that day, she performed her dance with ease, but she dreaded it. Afterwards, she changed into her long graduation gown and followed the rest of the graduating class down the spiral steps. Fortunately, everything went perfectly. When the party was over, her parents gave her a bouquet of yellow flowers wrapped in decorated purple plastic and tracing paper.

She couldn't wait to be seven. She couldn't even wait to grow up.
"MUMMY MUMMY MUMMY TOMORROW I AM GOING TO BE 7 YEARS OLD!" she screamed at the top of her lungs before her bedtime. She just couldn't wait.

That girl is dearly missed. Everyday, i try finding everything about her. Traces of information, what were her strengths, her weaknesses. Who she loved, who she despised. I still try to discover her whereabouts, why that ball of weirdness just disappeared. She did pass on some of her traits to me, but it's really a disappointment that she's gone.

I had no idea, no freaking idea, trying to find yourself would be so difficult.


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