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Why i haven't been active-the usual, and a little storytelling

...Gosh, i feel horrible. I didn't exactly return to blogging as i hoped and said i would. You know. Busy busy busy, but maybe this time its not just that. Its about priorities. Blogging is really important to me as it lets me to release all kinds of stress i felt in the day, but it's just not that big of a priority at the moment since i have so much more to do. I honestly can't even believe how my life has changed so fast, in many aspects. For time, i know its pretty expected since we all seem to get busier as we grow older, but it's really a huge change for me compared to when i first entered secondary school.

The first two years were really really slack-ish for me. My best friend and i used to hang out almost everyday of the week after school, and sometimes even past my curfew. Maybe its just early teenage rebellion that caused all that, but wow... i was really free back then.

The third year wasn't so bad either, my best friend had switched schools due to her moving away to a further area which made it troublesome for her to get to school on time, we're still best friends so that wasn't much of a big deal for me. I started mixing more regularly with this group of friends that i really like, but we didn't get to hang out much in the first two years. I think, despite being best friends with that group, that year was a lot more dramatic than any other. I wouldn't blame it on me, or my friends, but let's just say...when your best friend gets into their first relationship with someone majorly unreasonable, violent, impatient, and totally unsupportive about who your best friend mixes with, things can get really complicated. There weren't fights or any of that cliche gossip drama, but sometimes, even assertive people can get really naive when they refuse to believe how toxic someone really is. Now, i'm not trying to put the blame on the person my best friend dated, (yes it ended horribly) but also yes, i am trying to put the blame on her. I just can't deal with having my best friend constantly getting hurt over small matters because the person he dated wasn't able to maintain the relationship properly and never wanted to solve anything. I didn't do anything like purposely making them fight, but i kind of did, accidentally. She hurt me really really bad, best friend went to talk to her. They were on the verge of breaking up(for the first time), so best friend made me his "messenger" to convince her to forgive him. For the sake of my best friend, i did try. Ended badly, and that made up their first break up.

Guess what? Both of them ended up blaming me for breaking them up. Things were better afterwards, but the next few fights and breakups came along and i swore to never get involved ever again.
This caused a lot of frustration and you know, drama, in our group, since basically a person pulled our best friend out of the group and everything began from there.

LPT: Don't ever forget your friends when you get into a relationship. Don't just push them to the side because its your first relationship and take advantage of the friends that are going to always be there for you.
And now that i've written everything down, yes. Maybe the third year was actually pretty bad, in terms of friendship and all that. Half the time it was pretty alright though, our group got to spend a lot of time together chatting about our usual nonsensical shit, and it was much much better nearing the end of the year.

Then..hmm this year. Not as horrible with friendships and everything. We all got along rather well, besides my best friend and the girl he dated having more fights and eventually their most current breakup. But this year was the most stressful. Really, really stressful. Not just academically, but i was involved in a lot of competitions, parades, practices, and soon later art coursework. You know, my acne usually only comes out when i'm stressed, if you don't count the ones that arrive pre-puberty. And, boy, i've been getting a lot of weird pimples popping up and they're getting annoying. Anyway, this year was so stressful that during the first half of the year i was breaking down almost twice a week because i just couldn't handle the stress. The lack of time really affected me and my group of friends. Part of our group are usually together because we're in competitions together, but we rarely got to hang out as a full group this year. It was like, we really wanted to, because even though we all sit together quite often in classes, we don't get to engage in full nonsense talks or even heart to hearts. Those conversations ended up becoming more rare and we could only do them over whatsapp when we had the free time, or when it was really important. I honestly also think all that had made us much more frustrated with everything around us because it was so much harder to just relax.

To be very honest, my academic grades weren't exactly too much of a concern for me. I mean, of course grades are important, but i could do decently well in most of my subjects, acing a few as well. I was just terrible in my sciences. Just not much of a science-y person, i guess. So that wasn't much of a HUGE problem for me, i was either busy with extra curriculum, or i was just plain lazy. Other than academics, there was also something else that bothered me:

My somewhat love life.
Now, i wouldn't consider it much of a "love life" since i didn't bother getting in any relationships earlier this year, even though i did have a couple of dudes that admitted their feelings for me. I didn't bother, because i was already really into someone else. It's really complicated, but i told the dude i was into that i liked him, and apparently he did too- i'm not exactly super sure he wasn't lying even though he said he was serious. Idk, trust issues, yaknow? I don't really want to write anything here about him or "us" or anything, but being a paranoid person with constant anxiety attacks, things don't really go well for me all the time. But for now, i think its good. As long as i don't think too much.

That's basically it for this year. It's pretty scary to think the year had gone by so fast, and soon I might just not be a teenager anymore. I'm thinking of getting a job soon, since i'm pretty free during the holidays and i might wanna earn some extra cash for myself. I will probably blog more often now that i'm pretty free, but trust me when i say that i won't stop. My blog has never left my mind, regardless of whether i've had time to blog or not. Soon, we'll be hitting our third blog anniversary. Can you believe it's been almost three years since i started? I can't.


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